About a month ago I received an email from Gringo Entertainment Correspondent Frankie Baez encouraging me to try out for the ESPN Ultimate Couch Potato Competition, a contest won by the person who can do absolutely nothing longer than anyone else. I got a call Friday morning just before I had a wisdom tooth yanked out (thank god for pain killers) inviting me to take on the reigning champion. I will be competing against three other idiots, including last years champ who watched 29 consecutive hours of sports, at 11am on New Years Day.
I was originally torn between the following options:
1. Ordering ridiculous amounts of food until I vomit.
2. Getting trashed and eventually disqualified for something stupid.
3. Getting up and leaving for no reason...with-in the first five minutes.
Then I thought of one of my all-time favorite quotes...
"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor. " - Vince Lombardi
Fuck it, I'm going for the win. If you don't see any posts from me in the near future it is because I am busy training.
ESPN Zone, New Years Day, 11am til I piss my pants, be there.
Here is the brilliant answer that got me an invitation to the Final Four:
Do you think the inventor of the yellow first down line should be awarded the Nobel Prize for physics?
That stupid yellow line was invented for people who don't understand football. It is the equivalent of that crazy glowing hockey puck with the trail following it that lasted all of 10 minutes. If I see one more play that comes up a half yard short of a first down and hear one more idiot yell "Come on! Couldn't he see the yellow line!!!!!" I might completely lose it. Seriously though, as much as you probably want to, I suggest not choosing me. It won't even be a contest. If you think Tiger is dominant it is because you haven't challenged me to a competition that involves sports and food yet. A blowout may seriously hurt your ratings....pick someone else.
Sincerely,
Brian Schatzel
Sunday, December 14, 2008
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2 comments:
You warned them.
No Mercy.
I am gonna dress like Mickey from Rocky.
"You're gonna eat lightnin'(too many boneless wings) and you're gonna crap thunder(your pants)!
can i bring the family to cheer you on--you will surely be a role model
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